And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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