Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So many bounce houses so little time
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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