What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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