Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize