goodnight i made you a song goodbye
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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