last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
