return my video game
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
