How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
