I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
