OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
