It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize