Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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