You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
