I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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