the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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