My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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