Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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