I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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