i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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