I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
