I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
