It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
