Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
