4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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