Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
