"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize