Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
