glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
