Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
