woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
