just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
