woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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