he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
