Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
