Tell her she can't have a vagina
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
