I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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