Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
