If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
