I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
tell me about the fingering
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
