allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
