i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It was confusing and full of hummus
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
