your parents love me but you hate me
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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