I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize