I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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