if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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