Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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