Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
