I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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