day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
