My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize