I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just forgot I was standing up.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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