Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
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