They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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