I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize