Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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