I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
