Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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