My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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