Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
