my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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