So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
