I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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