Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
