We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
