I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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