I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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